Sometimes

I just feel like the world is closing in.
I'd just love to be thin, happy and loved.
I'd love to be able to live my life, instead of just pretending.

I never feel good enough no matter what I do.
I try every day to feel better, get better.
My disorder is a part of my personality.
With it, I feel lost, forgotten and alone.
Without it, I feel alone, forgotten and lost.

I'm not worth anything,
I don't deserve to be loved and to be happy.
I don't deserve my life.

I'm sick of crying, but it's the only thing that keeps me in control with myself.
I control my eating and shut down my feelings.
I can't change, can't please you enough, can't be good enough for life.
That's who I am.

A failure, a mistake, a nobody.